gaslighting, self-gaslighting

Are you gaslighting yourself? Here are the signs and how to unlearn it.

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Let me first begin by telling you what gaslighting yourself basically means. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse along with manipulation that causes the victim to question their own reality.

For those who only refer to the public domain for definitions, here’s what I got: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes including low self-esteem.

Gaslighting yourself can be really harmful. I know people who spent years gaslighting themselves. How do you know you’ve been gaslighting yourself? Look for signs. If you have ever asked or wondered what other people think about your problems, or thought what if they think you are lying about your struggles, then you’re gaslighting yourself. Minimizing your own problems, which is a common tendency of human beings is also a sign.

When you put others before you until is debilitating, you’re gaslighting yourself. Other signs are constantly apologizing for absolutely nothing, heightened anxiety end insecurity. Constantly overthinking and being worried if you went wrong.

If you’re wondering what gaslighting sounds like, it says this.
“I am being overly dramatic/sensitive/emotional.”
“I am not sick enough to be diagnosed with ___.”
“Other people have it way worse than me, so I shouldn’t be upset.”
“ There must be something wrong with me, normal people don’t act like this.”
“Am I making this up?”
“This is all my fault. I’m to be blamed for this.”
“I know they love me and didn’t mean it like that, so “I don’t think I should be hurt.”

Do these statements sound any familiar to you? If so, don’t worry, you’re not alone. You must likely gaslight yourself because you have been a victim of gaslighting. It can be a direct result of struggling with psychological illnesses like PTSD, depression, chronic pain, eating disorders, anxiety, and more. It is possibly a mode of survival for you. So now take a deep breath, calm down and we’ll check out ways how to deal with gaslighting and unlearn it.

First, you need to practice some self-affirming phrases. You can say statements like
“I deserve to be loved. I’m worthy of love”
“My feelings are emotional and valid.”
“ I’ll never be too much. I’ll always be enough.”
“I can still recognize that someone loves me even after they have hurt me. This is normal and it is okay.”
“Nothing is wrong with me.”
“I do not have to compare struggles in order to invalidate my own.”
“My feelings are real feelings.”
“I deserve to be listened to.”

Practice recognizing when you have gaslit yourself. You need to ask yourself where it has stemmed from and what you may be internalizing from toxic outside forces. Replacing these sad and hurtful phrases with positive and happy phrases is a way to combat self gaslighting.

Say it out loud. Write it in your journal. Remember that self-affirmation can feel strange or weird or even false at first, especially for someone who is used to telling themselves the opposite. But trust me, this is going to help you really well and you’ll also have a boost in confidence.